I may have agreed to buy a snake.
So it started when I visited my friend, she has a 12-year-old corn snake. C lost his mind when he saw this pet snake. For weeks it was nothing but, “Mommy, I’ll take care of it.” “Mommy, I’ll feed it.” “Mommy….”
Keep in mind we still had Kai (my dog—God rest her Husky soul). “C” I’d say, “we have a dog, we do not need a snake.”
Oh my goodness. He didn’t want to hear that. I kept saying no. I’m not scared of snakes, many people are, which C KEPT reminding me of. I said thats not the issue C. What I am worried about is WHO IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF A SNAKE. “Oh me mommy, of course I know it’s my job.”
YEAH RIGHT, I’ve heard this before. We all remember Azulito (the Betta Fish) and how that turned out. Rest in peace Lil Blue—who died of a combination of overfeeding and inappropriate tank decor. Let’s leave it at that.
Well, I got to thinking. Snakes only eat once a week. And you clean their containers once a month, with spot cleaning in between. Maybe this will be a good way to teach C responsibility. Feels positive mom vibes, but also I don’t really want a snake in my house.
So, I think I’m clever. I say, in my most Ursula-like voice, “Let’s make a deal, you poor unfortunate soul: if you can raise the money by doing chores for a pet Corn snake, I will let you buy it. I think. “I got you now! He hates chores. He’ll give up and it’ll be over.”
“Muahauahauah.”
C begins cleaning his room. Well, that’s novel.
C picks up a toilet brush. That’s only $2, he’s got like 92 more to go.
C sweeps. Bruh.
Mom starts to sweat. Sugar Honey Ice Tea.
Before I know it, he’s got the money. Fudge crackers. Mom furiously thinks.
Ah ha! “You also have to care for the snake and buy him some mice and the bedding and stuff.”
“Okay, mom I can keep doing chores.”
Panics
Well, long story short, mom has put in an order for a juvenile snake from a herpetology breeder. Pray for me y’all.
Stay tuned next time to learn more about my misadventures in trying to outsmart my kids. It usually doesn’t go well.